Does anyone have a sample college admissions essay that worked?

It’s totally normal to feel stuck on your college essay, even if you’re usually great at English! The college admissions essay can feel daunting because it’s one of the few chances you have to show your personality beyond transcripts and scores. Rather than just giving you a sample essay, I’ll share one successful example and break down why it works so you can see how to translate those qualities into your own writing.

Sample Excerpt:

"Instead of celebrating my sixteenth birthday at home, I was elbow-deep in soil, planting cacti in the middle of Arizona. The sun was relentless, but I didn’t care—I was consumed by the task of reviving neglected plants that reminded me of my grandmother’s window garden in Mexico. As I watered the desert soil, I understood that sometimes we bloom where we’re least expected to. Leading a team of local kids, both Spanish and English stumbling through, I learned how connection grows from vulnerability and determination, even if you don’t share a common language."

Why this works:

1. Specific Details: The writer uses vivid imagery (elbow-deep in soil, cacti, Arizona sun) to draw the reader into their unique experience. Think about concrete details in your own story to use instead of general statements.

2. Personal Voice: The essay doesn’t sound like a formal academic paper; it’s conversational and introspective. Try to write in a way that is true to how you think, even if it’s less formal.

3. Bigger Picture: The paragraph connects a personal experience to growth and a broader cultural connection. Admissions readers love seeing how your experiences have shaped you and what you care about.

Tips for your essay:

- Focus on a specific moment or series of moments, rather than a summary of something broad.
- Avoid clichés by asking yourself what parts of your story would surprise a reader.
- Make sure there’s some reflection—the ‘so what’ that ties your experience to who you are now.

If you’re still doubting your topic, remember: an ordinary moment, told with personality and insight, can stand out much more than a dramatic but generic story. For instance, someone once wrote a standout essay about sticking Post-it notes all over their house to practice a new language, and the humor and resourcefulness came through perfectly.

If you want more feedback or want to brainstorm, consider reaching out to teachers or mentors who know your writing well. You’re definitely not alone in feeling stuck, but a well-chosen story told from a personal angle will always be memorable!