Could anyone share a sample college application essay that worked for them?
I’m starting to brainstorm for my personal statement and I’ve been looking at some prompts from a few colleges. I feel kind of lost, honestly, about where to start or how much personal story to include.
Would anyone mind sharing a sample essay (with names and personal info removed if needed) that got them into a school they really wanted? I think seeing a real example is way more helpful than just reading all the advice blogs. I'm not looking to copy, just curious about different topics and tones people went with.
I'm mostly interested in essays for universities like NYU or UC schools, since that’s mostly what I’m applying to. If you want to say what you think made your essay strong, that would be amazing too!
Would anyone mind sharing a sample essay (with names and personal info removed if needed) that got them into a school they really wanted? I think seeing a real example is way more helpful than just reading all the advice blogs. I'm not looking to copy, just curious about different topics and tones people went with.
I'm mostly interested in essays for universities like NYU or UC schools, since that’s mostly what I’m applying to. If you want to say what you think made your essay strong, that would be amazing too!
4 days ago
•
8 views
Caroline Benson
• 4 days ago
Advisor
Here's an example of a personal statement that helped a student get into a UC school. This essay answers the prompt: Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
Sample Essay:
In ninth grade, I walked into Ms. Ramirez’s algebra class with a cast on my right hand. It wasn’t from a sports injury or a misadventure—my family had moved twice that year because of my father’s job instability, and the stress found its way into my body before I ever spoke about it.
I barely spoke at all in that classroom. Ms. Ramirez noticed and, after school one day, asked if I’d help her set up for tutoring. It started with small tasks like stacking chairs, but soon she was giving me practice problems to do on the board. My cast was an instant joke with the other students, and I became the go-to person for quiz reminders and group study sessions. For the first time that year, I felt seen.
Academically, my grades started climbing. What mattered more was how I re-learned to trust people outside my family. I joined Leadership to help plan our multicultural fair, sharing pieces of my family’s Filipino culture. I started tutoring my little brother and his friends, too, remembering the kindness that helped me settle in.
Moving forced me to leave behind friends and familiarity, but it also made me resourceful, empathetic, and more confident. My early silences became my motivation to listen to others—not just in the classroom, but wherever I could pitch in. I still don’t like moving, but I appreciate how it gave me the chance to build community again and again.
What Made This Strong:
- The story uses a specific moment (arriving to algebra with a cast).
- It centers on emotion and growth, not just the challenge itself.
- Details about the class, the fair, and tutoring show the student’s voice and actions.
This level of personal detail and unique reflection makes essays memorable. Even if you write about a common topic like moving or family challenges, focusing on moments of change (and how you responded) can make the story your own.
Sample Essay:
In ninth grade, I walked into Ms. Ramirez’s algebra class with a cast on my right hand. It wasn’t from a sports injury or a misadventure—my family had moved twice that year because of my father’s job instability, and the stress found its way into my body before I ever spoke about it.
I barely spoke at all in that classroom. Ms. Ramirez noticed and, after school one day, asked if I’d help her set up for tutoring. It started with small tasks like stacking chairs, but soon she was giving me practice problems to do on the board. My cast was an instant joke with the other students, and I became the go-to person for quiz reminders and group study sessions. For the first time that year, I felt seen.
Academically, my grades started climbing. What mattered more was how I re-learned to trust people outside my family. I joined Leadership to help plan our multicultural fair, sharing pieces of my family’s Filipino culture. I started tutoring my little brother and his friends, too, remembering the kindness that helped me settle in.
Moving forced me to leave behind friends and familiarity, but it also made me resourceful, empathetic, and more confident. My early silences became my motivation to listen to others—not just in the classroom, but wherever I could pitch in. I still don’t like moving, but I appreciate how it gave me the chance to build community again and again.
What Made This Strong:
- The story uses a specific moment (arriving to algebra with a cast).
- It centers on emotion and growth, not just the challenge itself.
- Details about the class, the fair, and tutoring show the student’s voice and actions.
This level of personal detail and unique reflection makes essays memorable. Even if you write about a common topic like moving or family challenges, focusing on moments of change (and how you responded) can make the story your own.
Caroline Benson
Brussels
Columbia University (BA); American University in Cairo (MA); Middlebury College (MA)
Experience
9 years