Can someone give feedback on my college application essay?
I'm working on my Common App essay and would really appreciate some honest opinions. I chose the prompt about a time when I faced a challenge, setback, or failure, and how it affected me. I wrote about moving to a new school sophomore year and struggling to fit in, but eventually starting a debate club and finding my place.
I'm worried that my essay might be too cliché or not personal enough. I tried to add specific details about my experiences and what I learned, but I'm not sure if it goes deep enough. Has anyone else written about something similar? How do you make your story stand out without sounding fake or trying too hard?
If you have any tips or would be willing to read through my essay, let me know. I want to make sure I'm showing my best self, but I'm getting kind of stuck. Would love some advice from people who've gone through this recently!
I'm worried that my essay might be too cliché or not personal enough. I tried to add specific details about my experiences and what I learned, but I'm not sure if it goes deep enough. Has anyone else written about something similar? How do you make your story stand out without sounding fake or trying too hard?
If you have any tips or would be willing to read through my essay, let me know. I want to make sure I'm showing my best self, but I'm getting kind of stuck. Would love some advice from people who've gone through this recently!
5 months ago
•
20 views
Camille Luong
• 5 months ago
Advisor
Writing about moving to a new school can be challenging because it is a topic that lots of applicants turn to for ‘overcoming adversity’ prompts. The key to making your story truly stand out is focusing on something very specific—either a moment of conflict or a unique way you responded—that reveals something deeper about you beyond just perseverance.
When you share how you started the debate club, don’t just narrate the steps or the ‘success’ that followed. Instead, try to highlight one vivid scene that captures the emotional reality of your experience. For example, maybe you can describe a particularly tough lunch period when you felt totally invisible, but then you overheard a classmate mention being interested in debate. Did your heart race as you decided to speak up? Did you almost back out? Giving readers these little windows into your thought process can make the essay much more compelling and authentic.
Another way to avoid clichés is to go beyond the challenge itself and really dig into how your approach to starting the debate club changed you. For instance, did leading the club teach you something about listening to others or challenging your own assumptions? Did you discover a passion for advocacy, or realize you thrive in environments where you can build things from scratch? The more personal and unique these takeaways, the better.
As for sounding ‘fake’ or like you’re trying too hard, just focus on writing as honestly as possible about your emotions, even if they seem vulnerable. Admissions officers are looking for real voices and genuine reflection, not perfect heroes.
If you want, pick a short section—maybe 150-200 words—that you’re unsure about and share it here. That way, you might get some specific feedback on your language, detail, and tone. Or, try swapping essays with a friend or using a review service for extra pairs of eyes.
Remember, the best essays aren’t about the life event, but about how you help the reader see and feel who you are through that event. Keep working at it, and you’ll get there!
When you share how you started the debate club, don’t just narrate the steps or the ‘success’ that followed. Instead, try to highlight one vivid scene that captures the emotional reality of your experience. For example, maybe you can describe a particularly tough lunch period when you felt totally invisible, but then you overheard a classmate mention being interested in debate. Did your heart race as you decided to speak up? Did you almost back out? Giving readers these little windows into your thought process can make the essay much more compelling and authentic.
Another way to avoid clichés is to go beyond the challenge itself and really dig into how your approach to starting the debate club changed you. For instance, did leading the club teach you something about listening to others or challenging your own assumptions? Did you discover a passion for advocacy, or realize you thrive in environments where you can build things from scratch? The more personal and unique these takeaways, the better.
As for sounding ‘fake’ or like you’re trying too hard, just focus on writing as honestly as possible about your emotions, even if they seem vulnerable. Admissions officers are looking for real voices and genuine reflection, not perfect heroes.
If you want, pick a short section—maybe 150-200 words—that you’re unsure about and share it here. That way, you might get some specific feedback on your language, detail, and tone. Or, try swapping essays with a friend or using a review service for extra pairs of eyes.
Remember, the best essays aren’t about the life event, but about how you help the reader see and feel who you are through that event. Keep working at it, and you’ll get there!
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Camille Luong
Nomadic
Stanford University, BAH in Urban Studies
Experience
5 years
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5.0 (5 reviews)