How do I effectively use the 'feelings and needs' exercise from College Essay Guy in my personal statement?
I've been looking at College Essay Guy's advice and he keeps mentioning this 'feelings and needs' exercise for brainstorming essay topics. I get the basic idea, but I’m struggling to figure out how to incorporate it into my own personal statement without making it feel forced or cliche.
Has anyone actually used this method and found it helpful? If so, how did you translate what you wrote during the exercise into actual paragraphs for your Common App essay? I especially want my essay to sound genuine, not like I’m just checking off a box for showing emotional growth.
Would appreciate examples or suggestions, especially if you used this technique for a topic that isn’t super dramatic or traumatic. I feel like most of my challenges have been more subtle, but I still want my essay to have impact.
Has anyone actually used this method and found it helpful? If so, how did you translate what you wrote during the exercise into actual paragraphs for your Common App essay? I especially want my essay to sound genuine, not like I’m just checking off a box for showing emotional growth.
Would appreciate examples or suggestions, especially if you used this technique for a topic that isn’t super dramatic or traumatic. I feel like most of my challenges have been more subtle, but I still want my essay to have impact.
5 months ago
•
43 views
Camille Luong
• 5 months ago
Advisor
The 'feelings and needs' exercise is helpful because it prompts you to explore the core emotions and desires at the heart of any life experience, whether big or small. It works especially well for students who don’t have a dramatic story to tell, since it helps spotlight growth and self-awareness even in everyday moments.
Start by picking a specific experience—this could be something like navigating a group project where your voice felt unheard, or adapting to an unexpected schedule change at home. List out the feelings you experienced during that moment (frustration, curiosity, loneliness, motivation, etc.), then write down the needs those feelings revealed to you (like the need to be understood, included, independent, or challenged).
When drafting your personal statement, don’t just recap events; illustrate your internal responses alongside your actions. For example, if you write about feeling overlooked in a group, you might say: 'Watching others make decisions without me left me both invisible and restless. I realized I craved acknowledgment—not just for my ideas, but for my presence.' Then, move to how you attempted to fulfill that need: 'Instead of retreating, I started asking thoughtful questions in meetings, hoping my curiosity could spark collaboration.'
What makes this genuine is being specific in your reflections. Rather than labeling yourself as having "grown emotionally," show the steps of your learning through concrete moments. Maybe you resolved to check in with quieter group members later on, or maybe you sought out solo projects to build confidence. These small actions reveal character just as much as any huge transformation.
People often use this method for topics like balancing family responsibilities, struggling to communicate with a loved one, learning a skill, or handling the background noise of anxiety. One student used it to describe her love of quiet morning runs—her feelings of tranquility, her need for routine—and how those moments helped her process the louder stresses in her life.
Overall, focus less on playing up the drama and more on honestly sharing what was at stake for you emotionally and why those needs matter in your life. That specificity and vulnerability, even in a subtle story, is what creates a memorable and authentic essay.
Start by picking a specific experience—this could be something like navigating a group project where your voice felt unheard, or adapting to an unexpected schedule change at home. List out the feelings you experienced during that moment (frustration, curiosity, loneliness, motivation, etc.), then write down the needs those feelings revealed to you (like the need to be understood, included, independent, or challenged).
When drafting your personal statement, don’t just recap events; illustrate your internal responses alongside your actions. For example, if you write about feeling overlooked in a group, you might say: 'Watching others make decisions without me left me both invisible and restless. I realized I craved acknowledgment—not just for my ideas, but for my presence.' Then, move to how you attempted to fulfill that need: 'Instead of retreating, I started asking thoughtful questions in meetings, hoping my curiosity could spark collaboration.'
What makes this genuine is being specific in your reflections. Rather than labeling yourself as having "grown emotionally," show the steps of your learning through concrete moments. Maybe you resolved to check in with quieter group members later on, or maybe you sought out solo projects to build confidence. These small actions reveal character just as much as any huge transformation.
People often use this method for topics like balancing family responsibilities, struggling to communicate with a loved one, learning a skill, or handling the background noise of anxiety. One student used it to describe her love of quiet morning runs—her feelings of tranquility, her need for routine—and how those moments helped her process the louder stresses in her life.
Overall, focus less on playing up the drama and more on honestly sharing what was at stake for you emotionally and why those needs matter in your life. That specificity and vulnerability, even in a subtle story, is what creates a memorable and authentic essay.
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Camille Luong
Nomadic
Stanford University, BAH in Urban Studies
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5 years
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